After intending to upload his Channel 4 script to the SharpShooter google group before the weekend, the Undiscovered Scriptwriter found that there was a lot more 'tinkering' required than he first thought and didn't make his own deadline! Spending the weekend, visiting his ill brother and doing nothing else but watch TV, didn't help the situation.
However... After a rousing two hour session late on Sunday night/Monday morning the script was finally in a fit state to post and was uploaded at approximately 2:28am on Monday morning... The story continues...
OVER BLACKNESS, MUSIC, OMINOUS AND FORBODING. THEN, OUT OF THE DARKNESS, THREE WORDS, FLOATING IN SPACE, OUT OF FOCUS, TOWARD CAMERA. AS THEY APPROACH THEY COME INTO FOCUS, BUT THEY ARE SHARP ONLY FOR A BRIEF MOMENT:
THE UNDISCOVERED SCRIPTWRITER
AS THE WORDS NEAR US THEY AGAIN LOSE FOCUS - AND AS WE MOVE THROUGH THE "O" OUR MUSIC CRESCENDOS, THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY AS WE CUT TO:
Me! Yes, I finally uploaded my script to the SharpShooter group and I received my first feedback today, from the brilliant Adrian! I think he reads almost every script that's posted and his feedback is always extremely informative, indepth and honest.
He gave me some great feedback regarding my structure and story. The main point being that 20 pages of my script (out of 33) is just 2 men talking between themselves! A very good point and one that I mentioned in this post "First Draft Complete" . I was quite concerned with this (the amount of dialogue) and Adrian has given me some fantastic ideas on how to mix it up a little!
As I also mentioned in the post "A little update" this was NOT a sitcom... but after Adrian's insightful comments it might now turn into one!!
So, first of all I need to get some structure in there. It has the essential "Beginning, Middle, End" but it doesn't have much of a "conflict" until it's almost over! I've got some ideas buzzing around my head right now (which I should be putting down, rather than typing this!) and Adrian has also given me a couple of really nice suggestions, so here's to the next draft!
We (me and my lovely girlfriend) went to one of our friends' house last Thursday for some drinks, pizza and games (video games you mucky people!). It was actually a ruse to get me to fix their computers, but it was an enjoyable night all the same (apart from getting a phone call hearing that my brother had fallen ill). But why am I mentioning this? Well, I found out that my friend had actually written a complete film script! It was a total shock, as I didn't even know he was into scriptwriting! He's into drama and theatre (him and his girlfriend are both in a musical drama group - oh, and he might be on Britain's Got Talent - look out for the robot with computer eyes...) but I didn't know he'd actually written anything. We had a really good chat about writing and how he almost pitched it to a producer when he went to Los Angeles on holday and talked about some of my stuff. It was really good to find someone else (locally) who is as enthusiastic about it as me! Great stuff! He's going to give me a copy of his script to have a good read of and I'm going to let him know what I think of it. He seemed to think I was an expert because I was "talking the talk"! Truth is, he wrote his script a year ago, I only started in January!! He's more of an expert methinks!
Finally, I just want to mention how fast the feedback to scripts seems to be on SharpShooter. I uploaded my script on Monday and had feedback on Wednesday...that's fast! This isn't just "yeah it was good", "pile of shit!" type of feedback either, This is really good constructive criticism! You would pay £50+ for this type of service elsewhere and you would probably only have 1 person's view...
NEXT WEEK ON THE UNDISCOVERED SCRIPTWRITER...
MONTAGE OF EASTER HOLIDAY SHOTS. LOUNGING AROUND, DOING NOTHING. PROBABLY GOING TO THE CINEMA. CATCHING UP ON SLIDERS SERIES 1 AND 2 ON DVD...
[The opening credit sequence (the CAPS bit at the start) is lifted straight from the LOST "Pilot" screenplay written by J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof...please don't sue me!]
Me! Yes, I finally uploaded my script to the SharpShooter group and I received my first feedback today, from the brilliant Adrian! I think he reads almost every script that's posted and his feedback is always extremely informative, indepth and honest.
He gave me some great feedback regarding my structure and story. The main point being that 20 pages of my script (out of 33) is just 2 men talking between themselves! A very good point and one that I mentioned in this post "First Draft Complete" . I was quite concerned with this (the amount of dialogue) and Adrian has given me some fantastic ideas on how to mix it up a little!
As I also mentioned in the post "A little update" this was NOT a sitcom... but after Adrian's insightful comments it might now turn into one!!
So, first of all I need to get some structure in there. It has the essential "Beginning, Middle, End" but it doesn't have much of a "conflict" until it's almost over! I've got some ideas buzzing around my head right now (which I should be putting down, rather than typing this!) and Adrian has also given me a couple of really nice suggestions, so here's to the next draft!
We (me and my lovely girlfriend) went to one of our friends' house last Thursday for some drinks, pizza and games (video games you mucky people!). It was actually a ruse to get me to fix their computers, but it was an enjoyable night all the same (apart from getting a phone call hearing that my brother had fallen ill). But why am I mentioning this? Well, I found out that my friend had actually written a complete film script! It was a total shock, as I didn't even know he was into scriptwriting! He's into drama and theatre (him and his girlfriend are both in a musical drama group - oh, and he might be on Britain's Got Talent - look out for the robot with computer eyes...) but I didn't know he'd actually written anything. We had a really good chat about writing and how he almost pitched it to a producer when he went to Los Angeles on holday and talked about some of my stuff. It was really good to find someone else (locally) who is as enthusiastic about it as me! Great stuff! He's going to give me a copy of his script to have a good read of and I'm going to let him know what I think of it. He seemed to think I was an expert because I was "talking the talk"! Truth is, he wrote his script a year ago, I only started in January!! He's more of an expert methinks!
Finally, I just want to mention how fast the feedback to scripts seems to be on SharpShooter. I uploaded my script on Monday and had feedback on Wednesday...that's fast! This isn't just "yeah it was good", "pile of shit!" type of feedback either, This is really good constructive criticism! You would pay £50+ for this type of service elsewhere and you would probably only have 1 person's view...
NEXT WEEK ON THE UNDISCOVERED SCRIPTWRITER...
MONTAGE OF EASTER HOLIDAY SHOTS. LOUNGING AROUND, DOING NOTHING. PROBABLY GOING TO THE CINEMA. CATCHING UP ON SLIDERS SERIES 1 AND 2 ON DVD...
[The opening credit sequence (the CAPS bit at the start) is lifted straight from the LOST "Pilot" screenplay written by J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof...please don't sue me!]
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